I had an epiphany this week that has done WONDERS to my well being.
All because of this wonderful book I found on militaryonesource.com. It's called Help! I'm a Military Spouse and I Need a Life Too!
Granted, I'm only a few pages into said book, but I have already noticed a change in my attitude. Honestly, it really touches on a lot of things I already knew deep down. Just simply hearing other spouses say that they are feeling exactly the same way I am, makes me feel so much better than I could've imagined. Here's a few highlights that struck me:
*Military spouses are human. No one is perfect. Sometimes we feel lonely, depressed, angry, and upset. These are normal reactions to have to our circumstances.
*That being said, while we can't choose our circumstances, we can choose our attitudes towards those circumstances.
*Happy people = happy marriages. Its well worth the effort to find something that is truly yours that doesn't depend on your spouse to happen. Its too big a burden for one spouse to be responsible for the other's happiness.
*Don't buy into the mythical creature! The mythical creature being "the perfect military spouse". You know, the one who breaks out fine china for get togethers and hosts with tea, scones, and coffee, has seasonal decorations, perfectly behaved children and no job and keeps her house tidy constantly and still manages to make dinner and food for the unit from scratch. She doesn't exist. No one is quite sure who perpetuates this myth, but on it goes, intimidating new spouses everywhere. There's room in the military for every kind of spouse and there's no reason to not be yourself when meeting new people.
These are just a few of the points that I read about in this book that caused me to sigh with relief. Like I said, I already knew most of these things to be true. But hearing it from seasoned spouses made me feel even better.
The part of the book that I haven't read yet touches on how to take your dream (whatever it may be) and make it fit into the military lifestyle. A lot of spouses may feel like they have to give up their dreams in order to be with the person they love, or that they have to wait for "their turn". I haven't read how yet, but this book assures me that's not true. They claim with a bit of creativity and an open mind, I can achieve anything I put my mind to. I slept harder after reading the beginning of this book than I have in a very long time. :)
“Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you."
So glad you found this book. More importantly I'm glad you discovered that other military spouses feel the same way and battle many of the same fears. I'm not a military spouse but when I became a new mom I went through a "transition" phase of discovering my new job and what I was supposed to be like. I didn't know what duties were expected of me. I kept trying to compete with the so-called mythical creature that tv portrays and I would frustrate myself because I couldn't figure out how to do it all. Luckily I had moms in my neighborhood who took me under their wing and let me in on the secret. There is no mythical creature and anyone who acts like they are are lying to you. Whether we are a military wife, new wife, new mom, single mom, widow, etc we need to carry each other and stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to be what we think is perfect.
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