Deployment Stages: Nesting!

Spouses go through a myriad of "stages" during a deployment. Most of the time they are very similar to the stages one might go through during a loss. As strange as it may sound, there's a grieving process because it is a loss. You lose not only your spouse (even if only for a few months), your co-parent, your child's mother/father, and your best friend, lover and goodbye normal routine. This can cause any one to experience anger, bitterness, sensitivity, sadness, anxiety, and even depression. I've experienced my fair share of these emotions the last six months.

Before my husband left, I experienced no less than two panic attacks. I didn't realize that's what I was experiencing until a friend explained it to me. It happened to me more the last time Josh deployed. I just didn't know that I was having a panic attack. It's crippling and scary, but part of my process. Once I learned this, I was able to fully feel them and then move on with my day. I felt better afterwards, like it was necessary to purge the stress and sadness I was hiding on the inside. 

That's something I was able to do this time since I've done this before. I kind of had an idea of how these emotions hit me, so rather than fight them, I acknowledged them and allowed myself to feel all of it. My husband had taken note of last time's deployment as well. We both had more patience for one another. Me for him, as he slowly distanced himself from me and Elise...and him for me, as I became a clingy emotional mess that cried at USAA commercials on tv. That's probably one of my favorite things about our relationship. We each really notice things and learn from one another, so we can know how to love each other better. 

Deployments are hard. Doesn't matter how long, where to, etc. They are hard. Families aren't meant to be separated like this. It's unnatural and sad. But this is "what we signed up for" (though I HATE when others say this to us). So we do the best we can and do what we can to take care of each other in the process. I'm happy to say so far, we work really well together in the face of challenges and adversity. We batten down the hatches and wait out the storms, coming away learning something new about ourselves as individuals and as a married couple. Reuniting each time with a renewed sense of appreciation, gratitude and love for one another.

Unlike with a loss, deployments also come with a reunion. I've found I have a process for the return as well. A BIG part of this process is nesting. Which has been in full swing at the McVay house since we moved home. Not only have I been cleaning like a mad lady, but I've been doing a lot of redecorating that we've been talking about for a long time!

The biggest change being a couch replacement. Ours is a hand me down. It's enormous....

It's not that we don't like it. But to be honest, we have never been able to afford a place big enough to house it. We just kind of dealt with it for the last 6-7 years but now that Elise is fully mobile and wanting to play everywhere, it's a little suffocating. So after much deliberation and discussion, we bought a new one! It's a much more manageable size but is really similar to the one we have because we like other qualities it has. The fabric is easy to clean, neutral color, and very comfy! Elise and I tested the one at the store and laid there for a good 5 minutes! It's the perfect size for us. Plus we are still keeping the green chair you see in the picture. It's my husbands favorite and we didn't see any reason to part with it.

Since we were getting a new couch, I wanted to revamp our living room a bit. I became a little too obsessed with browns. They are safe and cozy so I didn't stray. I finally got the courage to add some color to our living room and I absolutely love it! A couple new curtains and pillows and it looks like a different house! I can't wait for Josh to come home and see all the changes.