It wasn't easy in the beginning. Elise's first latch in the hospital was a bad one. It caused my nipple to crack and bleed. I ended up needing a nipple shield in order to keep using it. I don't really remember doing this, but I must've skipped a feeding on that side, which caused me to get a clogged duct. If you've never had one, they can be scary. I got engorged a lot that first week as my body tried find its rhythm. Each time I became engorged, the clogged duct got hard as a rock. The first time I felt it, I immediately went to the doctor to make sure it wasn't a cancerous tumor or something like that. They told me that since the bump went away each time I nursed, it was most likely a clogged duct. They also said it should go away on its own, or I could have it for a long time and hopefully it wouldn't get infected. This was something I've worried about the entire time up until a couple days ago. I always made sure each time I nursed that the bump went away completely. Sometimes this meant getting on all fours and pumping upside down. I did NOT want that thing to become infected. I was pretty determined to reach my goal of breastfeeding for 12 months come hell or high water.
Elise didn't have anything other than my breasts until she was about 6 weeks old. We had read that any earlier than that could cause nipple confusion and neither of us wanted to risk damaging the healthy breastfeeding relationship we had established when a bottle wasn't necessary. I had all these big plans to pump and allow my husband to bottle feed Elise for the first time when she reached that age. BUT like most things in life, it didn't turn out the way I planned. I blogged way back then about how awful my tummy troubles were, and one day, they were bad enough that I took the first medicine I could find to make it stop. This happened to be Pepto Bismol. Unfortunately, it wasn't until after I had taken it that I checked to see if it was safe for breastfeeding moms and turns out, it wasn't. So for three nursing sessions, I had to pump and dump and use what little supply I had built up in my freezer to bottle feed Elise. My husband wasn't even home and though he swears he doesn't care, I cried the whole time I fed her that bottle because I felt like I let him down. Everything tied to breastfeeding was very emotional for me. I never knew how passionate I would be about it.
In the beginning, I was also very shy and even a little embarrassed about breastfeeding in front of people. Even if we were at our house, I often felt the need to leave the room to feed her or cover her when we had guests. This faded pretty quickly for guests that were family. Eventually I found myself not caring and breastfed her everywhere, sans nursing cover. When your child is screaming, you kind of throw modesty out the window to make them feel comforted and peaceful again. I held out on breastfeeding in front of my father in law for a long time. I think I had gotten a vibe from him in the earlier days that he wasn't comfortable with seeing that, though he never ever said that or tried to leave if I did it. Just a couple months ago, I was hiking with them and Elise in Oklahoma. My mother in law and I were discussing breastfeeding (as we often do!), my father in law had been quiet until he suddenly chimed in and said "I wasn't really comfortable with seeing it at first, but now, I truly think watching my granddaughter breastfeed is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen". Yeah, I totally just about cried. Not only was it nice to feel supported in what I was doing, but to know what I did for my daughter had such a positive affect on someone I never would've guessed. I was touched to say the least.
Elise and I really had few speed bumps on our journey. The usual things, like sleep regression, teething, getting shots, traveling, etc. All these things had an affect on our nursing relationship. I did my best to take it in stride and continue on. Even if it meant major sacrifice on my part. For instance, on our trip to Florida, I had a bad allergic reaction to antibiotics that left me miserable and covered in hives. I went to urgent care hoping for some relief. The only thing they could give me was steroids, which obviously isn't safe to take while nursing. Elise had been nursing around the clock and I had NO extra milk to give her. Even though my sweet dear friend offered me some of her stash, I declined. Elise had nursed EVERY DAY of her entire life and I wasn't about to take away her most comforting thing while we were traveling in strange places. So I bit the bullet and continued on without medication. I cried a lot because I was so miserable and emotional about the thought of not nursing Elise. My friend was so gracious and confidently told me that I needed to do what I felt was best for Elise and she believed I didn't need the medicine. It wasn't great, but my body took care of itself and I didn't need to sacrifice my daughter's comfort or nutrition in order to do it.
I've also found that I love encouraging and helping other women to breastfeed. I've read a lot on the subject and have worked hard to be a good cheerleader and supporter for anyone who might need it. Like I said, I'm very passionate about it and am willing to help anyone who requires it to continue breastfeeding their child. I think it's THAT important.
After sacrificing comfort, sleep, exercise, food and beverage choices, and nights out with friends, I still say it was totally worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat. In fact, I can't wait to do it again. We aren't planning on a second child anytime soon, but that time will come someday. When it does, I look forward to nursing him/her all over again.....
so sweet! you go mamma!
ReplyDeleteThis makes me never want to stop breastfeeding!!! Ahhh!! Why do our babies grow up so fast!!!
ReplyDeleteI love that I remember all of these pictures! You're such an amazing mommy! Love you!!!
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