Five years ago...that feels like a lifetime ago.
And yet, I feel as if I had lunch with her just a few months ago. I have these vivid dreams in which she and I have lunch or coffee and catch up on life like nothing bad ever happened. No cancer. No chemo. No life-ending stroke. More importantly, family still intact.
Five years later and our family still has a giant crack right down the middle of it.
Can I just go and vow now that NOTHING and NO ONE will ever cause me to quit on family?! Family is always worth working it out for. Well, to me it is. My sisters, my parents and I don't always see eye to eye. In fact, we rarely do. But there is NOTHING that would ever make me cut them out of my life. I am under the impression that that is what unconditional love means. Its something you have for family and it means they can do nothing that will cause you to not love them.
What makes me the most sad about this situation? Knowing that, if Mema were here today, she would be heartbroken to see her family split up and fighting like this. Over what? Pride and immaturity. Simple as that.
People will always do things that hurt you. Even those closest to you. Since when is it ok to just give up? If your family isn't worth it, then who is? What will it take for you to let it go? Another death? When its too late to say "I'm sorry"?
I refuse to live that way. Ever. Life is too short to hold grudges against family. Be kind to one another and use forgiveness as much as you can. I know MY family will always be worth it.
I am not blaming this situation on ANY one person. Mema's death was a horrible event in all our lives at the time. I know everyone was hurting and felt a little lost. I am positive that is what happened. I just don't understand why we would want to continue hurting one another by not being there for each other....
The is a beautiful post. I think you should share it with your family. It's fair to express this and you certainly are coming from a place of love.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma died a few years ago from lung cancer. Cancer sucks! There were so many times where things got so difficult to handle that it could have split our family apart. And not to say that it almost didn't. Cancer isn't very fair for families and it's really difficult to get through. Luckily we all got through it okay. I guess all one can do is leave your arms open for love and acceptance and wait for the split to heal. For some it just takes longer than others.
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