Lately I've been thinking a lot about plans. Plans I had made for my future, our future, and plans that I'm currently making for our family.
If there's one thing life has taught me in the last 6-7 years, its that sometimes, no matter how hard you try or how bad you want it, your plans just dont work out. It's not always a bad thing, sometimes, it just doesn't happen.
When Josh and I were engaged, I had the perfect plan laid out for us. He would start pilot training, get stationed somewhere and be happy flying. I would graduate college, teach where he trained and then again where we were stationed. My original plan was to teach for 3-4 years and save my entire salary for our emergency fund and vacations while we lived off my husband's AF salary and benefits.
Well that didn't quite happen that way. Josh's heart led him to C130s which meant moving every 6 months for the first two years of being in the AF. Obviously I can't teach under those conditions, so I settled for part time jobs and substituting in each place to try to hold up my end of the bargain. Then we finally got our station here in Texas, where I was told I could easily get certified and hired to teach. Upon moving here, I realized the certification process was more complicated than I thought and it took me awhile to get my credentials reviewed (and about $400 when it was all said and done) and pass their teaching exams. So I do all that, I sub for an entire school year, make lots of friends and important contacts. I never once said no to them. Even when it was to sub for ED, Special Ed, or taking the kindergarteners on a field trip by myself. At the end of the year, no openings...none.
Having all this happen (or not happen) automatically took away a lot of our plans. Training made it difficult to travel to the places we wanted to, I never got to teach or immerse myself at all in my career. After my husband deployed and came home, I realized starting our family was more important to me than waiting for my career to start. I wanted to be a mother and it wasn't something I wanted to waste time waiting for. Of course, you all know that plan wasn't easily followed either.
This probably sounds like one bitchy, bitter post. But it's really not. My life definitely didn't turn out the way I planned it. And you know what? That doesn't bother me one bit. Some things I planned for did come to fruition. In ways better than I could've imagined on my own. Every day when I wake up I count my blessings and my two favorites are usually on either side of me. I have two amazing families that support us and love us unconditionally.
I guess this life turning out this way has made me realize that the important stuff did happen, and the rest will come when it's time. I still hope to one day teach and for my husband and I to travel a little more. I've always been a planner and things turning out differently will not stop that. My plans now are just a little different. Now I think about holidays together, family trips to Disney and Sea World, visiting our families and watching our daughter grow up together.
Life doesn't always turn out the way you planned....but sometimes...just sometimes....it turns out better.
“Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you."
This is an awesome post, and oh so good for us women to realize. I think this is one of the toughest parts of trying to, and becoming, a mom - plans just go out the window. And, it is so hard to come to terms with that! But, it sounds like you have and that's all you can do, life has a different plan for us sometimes, one that is all its own. :)
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