Not Ready For Goodbyes...

Right now we are in the midst of what's been a wonderful vacation home to our parents' places. We took two weeks of leave to spend time together outside of Josh's busy work schedule and also to make up for the fact that we won't be spending any holidays together this year.

We just finished the first week of our vacation at my parent's house and it was wonderful to just relax and spend time with my family in my hometown. We even got to attend one of my family's famous birthday parties where everyone comes. Those are just my favorite.

As everyone was leaving the party last night, I found myself getting emotional watching everyone say goodbye to our little family. Elise and I would get the "See you in Septembers!" while Josh got the "please be safe and hope to see you sometime next years". Those were harder for us to hear than we thought they would be.

Of course I'm glad that Elise and I have the opportunity to return home so we are surrounded by family and friends and I'll have the help that I'm sure I'll need while my husband's gone. But I'm already well aware of the fact that even going to my own hometown without my other half just isn't the same.

We still have several weeks until my husband's departure but I'm definitely already fighting the deployment blues. I keep thinking back to two years ago when it was just me and how empty I felt immediately after we said goodbye. It took me two weeks to feel like I wanted to get out and be a part of the world again and I'm scared of that feeling this time around. I have a child that I need to be strong for and I'm really starting to worry if I can handle those first couple weeks. I'd really like to have one of our mothers be there for his departure, but the dates change so frequently and often too close to when he will physically leave for anyone to plan for such an event ahead of time. Which leaves me alone with our daughter once he's gone and our house is minus my best friend and parenting partner.

Thinking about the next six months is bittersweet for us both. We both look forward to Elise experiencing the holidays for the first time, crawling, walking, speaking those first words, and then turning one year old. But its really weird to talk about our excitement for those events knowing we won't be together as a family to celebrate them.

I've done this before. Saying goodbye and those first few weeks of finding our "new normal" is the hardest part. (I hope). Eventually we will reach that point and push past it, finding new ways to enjoy our separate lives as much as we can until we can all be together again. I'll find a way to be positive and lift my husband's spirits when he will need it (and surely he will more than me this time around). But right now, I'm feeling pretty down about the whole thing and I just want to whine about it.

Here's to letting the bad out and hopefully allowing the good, positive to flood in when we will all need it the most.