What I've learned....

So lately, it's been no secret that I've been thinking about my husband's upcoming deployment a lot. As much as I try to push it from my present mind, it always finds a way to creep back in. I know that this time things will be very different in several different ways. I can't help but start comparing my first experience to what I am expecting from this new one. Doing this caused me to think about everything I've learned in our five years of Active Duty together. For my fellow military spouses, these may seem like no brainers, but I thought I'd write about lessons that this special life has taught me.

*Don't get your heart set on anything.
     Whether it's a station, job, or potential new home. Just don't do it. The only consistent thing about being in the military is the fact that your circumstances are bound to change. Most likely when you least expect it or when you need things to stay the same the most. This goes for deployments/TDYs also. I've learned to hope for the best, but prepare myself mentally for the worst. Sounds pessimistic maybe, but it's the best way to protect yourself from getting hurt all the time.

*Be Open.
     This may sound vague. It's meant to. It should be applied in many aspects of military life. My husband and I moved every 6 months for our first two years of being on Active Duty. It was incredibly difficult for us to make friends, for me to get work, and find new activities to be a part of. We've learned through these experiences that life is so much better when we just stopped saying no to new things/new people. Especially when we moved here to Abilene. We knew we'd be here awhile, and I knew that Josh would be gone a lot, leaving me to whatever friends/activities I allowed myself to be open to. I dove head first into a spouse organization that required training, hosting socials at my home, and never said no to an invitation out. I had only lived here about 3 months before Josh deployed for the first time, so I knew that finding my place and getting a support system was important and needed to be taken care of quickly.
     This also means to be open with the people you choose to become friends with. Military life is hard, and not a lot of people can sympathize or completely understand how you feel about it. I've always felt it's important to have at least one or two friends that you can really open up to about it and let those feelings (good or bad) out. Festering feelings (especially negative ones) can lead to a myriad of issues that could potentially damage your relationship with your spouse. Nobody wants to deal with that on top of a deployment.

*Make the best of it.
      No matter what happens, BE POSITIVE. Josh and I ended up getting our last choice for station assignment in pilot training, and we decided right away to go with it and start getting excited. Mostly because you are in the military and you can't change something like that usually once it's been decided. Also, why would you waste time being upset about something you have no control over? It's 4 years (give or take) that you're spending there, and you might as well make the best of it and create memories. It's your life, and I think it would be silly to not embrace it and live it to the fullest you can. We realize that many people really don't like where we are stationed. We have really come to love it here though. Sure, it has it's pros and cons. Every place does. But we choose to see this place for all it's positive attributes and when we look back on our time here, we want to be able to say "we made the best of it and had a great time".
      This can also go for pretty much anything you come up against in the military. When my husband deployed two years ago, I was alone and I didn't have many friends. But I got close to a couple of ladies and we really bonded. I feel like our friendships are something I cherish even outside of the Air Force. They welcomed me and my husband into their homes and families just like we did for them. When the boys are gone, we immediately know its time to fill up our calendars with fun stuff and events to get excited about. Now that I'm a mom, getting out of the house isn't exactly easy so going to friends' houses is a big deal and really makes our days and weeks go by faster.

 *You want a friend? Be a friend.
      My mom used to always say this to me. After I went to college and joined a sorority, I started to understand what she meant and become a little better at it. Now I have no problem being the first to introduce myself and start up a conversation with a complete stranger. Sometimes you have the be the first one to step up and say "Hey, would some of you ladies like to come over to my house for wine and movie?". It may feel awkward at first, but I've never regretted doing things like this. It's a sure way to meet new, interesting people and I think it's healthy to step out of your comfort zone regularly and push yourself to try to new things.


These are some of the big lessons that I've learned so far by being a military spouse. Lots of other littler things, sure. But these lessons are ones that are easy transferable to many other faucets in life. I hope these help any of you who might be struggling or new to the military community. Though, looking back now, it really doesn't seem like bad advice to those in the civilian world either ;)