Welp, we survived a huge milestone in this deployment. Not only are we more than halfway through, but we survived our first ever Christmas apart. Unfortunately it was our daughters first. So this year was unusually bittersweet for me and my husband. I felt constantly torn between happiness for my daughter and pure joy in seeing her experience it for the first time and immediately feeling sadness that my husband wasn't there or guilt for enjoying these things without him. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and I hope we never have to do this again. I don't think I'll ever feel the same about Christmas now.... Knowing somewhere someone will always be I our position. It literally hurts to think about that.
On the other hand though, I think my husband and I will never ever take a holiday together with Elise for granted. I feel like I always tried not to before of course. I knew a holiday apart was always something that could happen. I've learned there's a huge difference between imagining it and actually having to do it. Having done it, we will always be grateful in a new way for holiday family time.
Well big surprise, Elise was showered for gifts and love. Lots of pictures were taken and sent to daddy.
Christmas Eve we did a mini Christmas session with daddy because he was available and it was already Christmas in Afghanistan. He got to see Ellie open some presents he got for her. A few books and a special plush German shephard. She immediately took it out of the box and hugged and petted it. She's been glued to it ever since. That one made josh and I both cry. We knew it was important for us to do this together but man, it was hard. I felt like I was handling things ok until I saw how sad this made my husband. I don't handle it well when he breaks like that. I needed time after that to recover for sure. Then we went on with our busy day of cooking and baking for our Christmas Eve get together with Josh's aunts and cousins. It was much needed fun time.
Christmas morning came soon. We were still pretty tired from the night before but Elise and I had a busy day of traveling ahead so we got going quickly. Saw daddy for a bit after opening gifts with nana and pops. Then it was into great gma blues for lunch! Then we headed back to my parents in Sand Springs for the tail end of presents and dinner.
Really today was better than I expected it. Having family and a couple sweet friends check in on me made me smile bigger than any gift did. It meant a lot to me.
I couldn't help but day dream all week about what next Christmas would be like. With what's ahead, we literally have no idea where we will be. But I could care less. We will be together and the rest is icing.
Merry Christmas
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