I'm starting to feel like I have no idea what I want to do in life or what I'm meant to do. I have dedicated my entire adult life to being a teacher and after re-vamping my resume for an interview I had this afternoon, that's what my life clearly reflects. That I am an educator. Everything I have done, almost every job I've had is to better prepare me to be in a classroom. The outlook, however, on me actually getting hired as a teacher is grim.
What with the economy's state and the fact that education is always at the bottom of the money barrel in every state I live in, my chances of being hired are slim to none. It's very discouraging and definitely causes me to feel useless and purposeless. I am always going through a roller coaster of emotions with it. Sometimes I feel like I should explore other avenues and test out other talents and abilities I possess. Other times, I feel like this is something that is very important and worth fighting for and I shouldn't compromise on it.
Then, occasionally, I feel like I do today....confused. There really is no better way to describe it.
I am very grateful for the fact that we do not depend on my income to survive and, because of that, I have the ability to dedicate my time to figuring out what it is I want out of life. But at the same time, I am so damn tired of not knowing and feeling like I have no place in this world. Its really frustrating to have worked towards something for so long and when you finally have the ability and know-how to do it, the world keeps saying "no, not this time....try again later."
Another sucky part about all of this is I feel like only a small percentage of people I know can really understand what I'm going through. A lot of people don't understand why I'm still unemployed, or think I am not trying hard enough or that I don't want it badly enough. Therefore, I find difficulty releasing my confusing feelings about all of this. Thankfully, I have a wonderfully supportive and sensitive husband and partner in life. Of course, since he is in the Air Force, he isn't always available for me to vent to.
I don't really have a satisfying conclusion to this particular blog. I just wish I had a real magic 8 ball to at least tell me whether or not I'm going in the right direction and to keep going, or fold up shop and try something else.
“Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you."
That so stinks! So sorry. Unfortunately, I know way too many college graduates not able to find jobs. And many of them being in a field that should always need workers (nursing, teaching, social work). The darn truth is that it's the economy to blame.
ReplyDeletePart of the reason is when so many people are out of a job (especially college graduates) one of the first places they go to is teaching/substitute teaching. For nursing, hospitals dont have the money to train new grads because so many people don't have jobs and are uninsured and therefore hospitals have to rely on Medicaid/Medicare and the small percentage of the people that are insured. Its crazy how controlling economics is to our existence. I should have learned more about economics because I'm way behind.
So, although I have no sound advice or words to make you feel any better I would like to say that it's not you or your path. You are probably doing exactly what you need to be doing. We just all need to become creative and not wait for things to change. We need to spark another type industrial revolution and the best way to do it is to start in the schools by teaching those kids' that their creativity, dreams and intelligence are our only way out of this economical mess. And that, my dear, is where you come in. Your passion for teaching may not be getting you a job right now but maybe using your passions to help improve our education system by getting involved with educational reform. And in my opinion, to have something like that on your resume would make you a perfect candidate to land that teaching job over an experienced candidate.
Totally understand!
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