First of all, don't worry....I don't plan on posting weekly about our boring goings on here in Oklahoma!
We are finally getting settled in at my parents' house. It's a little weird to be in the place I considered home for close to 20 years of my life and now it doesn't really feel like home. As cheesy as it sounds, no where really feels like home when my husband's not with us. Just like anywhere can feel like home when he is.
I am doing ok for the most part. I get sad at the strangest things. Last night, I'm folding my laundry...and I keep getting this weird nagging feeling. I find myself looking around for the "other pile" of clothes...my husband's. It's obviously not there and I begin to feel pretty down. Weird huh? I'm already at that crappy point where I don't even want to go on Facebook or Instagram. God forbid I see other happy couples/families enjoying their time together, right?
We have been able to talk to him a lot at least. Of course, it's never enough, and the times in between feel like weeks, not days. But there is a chance that my husband may not stay where he's at and possibly go to a place worse off in the way of communication. So we will take what we can get for now and enjoy the hell out of it.
I haven't managed to get into a workout routine yet. Whether its because I'm not sleeping enough or too busy....or other issues.....I don't know. I know I need to get back into it. I know it will help me. I just am lacking in motivation, I guess.
Elise, on the other hand, is doing well. She is loving being the center of attention with my parents and sisters. They are loving doting on her all the time. It's really hard not to be happy in the midst of all that. I thank god for those wonderful distractions. As sad as it sounds, I just have to find a way to put my husband's absence out of my mind during those times....because I pretty much always wish he was there with us.
I can't thank my parents enough for all the help and support they're giving us. My mom gets up with Elise in the middle of the night when I've already nursed her and she won't let me pat her back to sleep. My dad plays with her in the living room after I've tried for two hours to get her to nap and I just need a break to watch grown up tv for half an hour. I just don't see how I could've done this without them. My sisters are amazing too. Kristin has come over several times just to cook us dinner and play with Elise (and bring me wine!). Then Natalie comes over after a long day at work to read with Elise and wear her out enough to go to bed. It's all more than I ever expected. I know that Josh is grateful that he can rest easy knowing Elise and I are happy and well taken care of. We are so blessed with both of our families. We don't know if we can ever say thank you enough. We can definitely feel their love everyday!
So I guess I'll end this first tough week on that positive note. Elise will be nine months soon, so I'll be working on that blog soon!
“Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you."
I wish I had all that support through ours, you're very blessed!
ReplyDeleteI went home to my parents' when my son was 4 months old and my husband deployed, and I know exactly what you mean. It's weird to be a place you called home when it doesn't feel like it anymore; it's not that you aren't welcomed with open arms, it just isn't the same because your family isn't whole. That can be so hard, and I felt the exact same way. Things are easier but harder at the same time. I know you have been through these things before, and you already know this, but it is worth saying again: it is OK to have a difficult time sometimes and especially at the beginning. The more you establish a routine, you find ways to deal with your emotions and time to process them. It doesn't necessarily get better but it does get easier. Even if you start by just putting Elise in a stroller and going for a long walk, you're doing something good for you. Take it day by day, minute by minute when you have to. Keep that chin up!
ReplyDelete