New normal

This is a phrase used to describe your new routine once your spouse has gone and you've gotten settled into a new life without him/her. Yes it is kind of as depressing as it sounds. But it's a good milestone to reach bc it typically means the worst is behind you. 

I think Elise and I are almost there. I'm almost done unpacking and Elise is showing some signs that she is adjusting as well. 

I still get sad, of course. Being at my parents house without my husband is still weird. Despite the fact that I have been here over 15 years without him before I met him. I guess it's just one on those things that only other military people can understand: no where feels like home unless your spouse is there to make it feel as such. 

The weirdest and smallest things get me down. I think it was a little painful to unpack here. Usually we are just here a couple days and it never made sense to empty our suitcases so we didn't.  Folding and putting away all my clothes and shoes tonight made me realize once again that he's gone and it's going to be a long time until I can hug him again. 

I hate that I'm kind of dreading Elise's first holiday season. I just  worry that I will want to cry...a lot. Josh and I have spent every single holiday together since we started dating seven years ago. I worry they won't feel as special without him. And yes, I know Elise is too young to remember that he wasn't there. But that doesn't mean that Josh and I won't remember. It hurts us both more than we care to admit. I honestly don't know how people with children who are old enough to remember do it. You guys are tough. Or maybe not. Maybe it just sucks and you just deal with it because you have no other choice. Either way, you have my respect and sympathies. 

So less than 200 days (I hope) left. Here's to them passing swiftly and kindly.